It’s 9 pm, and you’re in a deep dive on Facebook scrolling through old posts because that little remember this day notification popped up on your feed. It showed you that three years ago, you once were in love with someone, and once upon a time, you envisioned your whole life with them. Crazy how life hits you fast, right? Four years later, and you’re focusing on your personal growth, career, and you. But, this notification threw you off your “living my best life” balance. It brought you back to a place you have been trying to avoid for a very long time. Like our good sis, Solange said, “I tried to work it away, but that just made me even sadder.”
Here it was, the memories that I have been avoiding, and just like that, I was in that place I was avoiding. All thanks to a notification for a photo I forgot even existed. This feeling of despair then caused me to do a deep dive into our past tagged posts. Unhealthy, I know, but that’s when I found it. Her face next to his face in a suit and tie in her new profile picture. Soon, all of my “I don’t care, I’m strong” feelings washed away, and the tears started to flow. The “oh so refreshing” woman he dumped me for was now visible and very much real. I took myself back ten steps crying over something that was long over before our final goodbyes. But that’s when I realized, and I buried myself in my work and passions before I choose to sit with myself and heal.
Now, I am not going to say it’s easy to heal. I feel when you have been through a toxic situation or long-term relationship, it takes a toll on your mental. I tried to date someone, and within those two-months of seeing someone consistently, I found myself comparing them to my ex. I kept finding pieces of my ex in them and or searching for them. Here is where I learned my first lesson, dating after the break-up would digress your growth and bring you back into a place of relying on someone else to fulfill your joy. I had to check myself because wasting someone else’s time while giving my time away was falling back into a toxic pattern. Take your time and learn how joyous it is to be alone again. Waking up with your legs sprawled out across the bed is going to be a new feeling for you. Taking yourself to that restaurant you’ve been putting off. Even organizing a new project for yourself that will challenge your mind. I promise this isn’t easy, but let’s get back to loving you.
Next, date with your friends! Your girls are always your support squad. If you have been neglecting your friends, then it is time for some apologizing and paying for dinner. Grab drinks with the ladies who know you best and laugh about the good times. Your friends always remind you how special you indeed are. I have been doing this lately, and let’s say my nights have been dancing on top of tables and laughing at bad dates I used to have in college.
Lastly, BLOCK HIM, SIS! Okay, this is real advice for me because I am the block queen, but I am still having trouble hitting that button for homeboy. But let’s be real, any man who isn’t ready for you should not be disturbing your peace. I know it’s hard, trust me, but we need to put these barriers on our lives if we ever want to heal. Sometimes we are our worst enemy, and we will be blocking our growth if we keep hitting the refresh button on their page. Let them go and one day, wish them well. Or wish they run out of gas while driving (kidding).
I know this is easier said than done, but after crying for a year, and the beginning of these two months, I have to check myself. Your peace will come soon, but you must move towards accepting what this situation has given you and move towards the new chapters. Let your soul heal, and in due time, you will find that smile again.