relationships Uncategorized

What Ending a Relationship Taught Me About Self Growth

To tell you about my year of triumph, first I need to give you a bit of a backstory. All of my new experiences emerged from a relationship that almost ended in February of 2017 and permanently ended halfway in the year. At the time, I thought that the break up would completely destroy me. People usually say that after a breakup right? But I truly felt this. Why? Because it was supposed to lead on to a future marriage.

I had my whole life plan wrapped around him.  When he broke off the relationship it felt like everything I ever knew was swept right out from under me. Who else can relate? It left me so confused about myself and where my life was headed, it was frustrating. Although my heart was completely broken and had my sad tear-full eyed days, I was still able to make the greatest decision that I will never regret.

Drum roll, please…

That decision was to choose me. I decided to choose myself from that point on. Which led to self-growth, new experiences, stronger friendships and a new mindset. Our relationship would’ve ended in February.  At the time he had told me that I was too dependent on him for my happiness.  Stating that it was too tiring to “carry” me.  In my efforts to save the relationship, I had told him that I could work on those things and we could work on us. I know what you’re thinking about what I have said.

The “I can change” line. I really did believe I could grow in those areas.  I was indeed too dependent on him for my happiness and for everything. Soon realizing that was not healthy at all and that I needed to depend on myself! I am the source of my own happiness. Anything or anyone else just brings me joy, but it’s not the source of my joy.

We did continue the relationship and I did grow in those areas. Everything was smooth for a few months. Then, the day finally came when he no longer wanted to continue the relationship. He told me that I did change in the areas we discussed. He just didn’t feel the same about me anymore and that his priorities changed. (There’s so much more to this by the way but I’m trying to keep the backstory short.)

Again, I tried to save the relationship but this time  *and this is the important part* something clicked inside of me and realized I had so much more worth than to beg someone to stay. Did you get that? Someone who has tried to make their partner happy should never have to do this.

Yes, we are all human and flawed, I’m not saying I am perfect. However, I tried my best in this relationship and it still wasn’t enough or appreciated. I always tried to change and accommodate and adjust myself for him but didn’t receive the same in return. This is the moment ladies when I regained my self-worth and knew I deserved better. That moment is when I started to blossom.

2017 was my “step out of my comfort zone” year. I used to be afraid of being alone and doing things on my own. So guess what I did? I did just that! I took my self out on dates! I bought myself flowers from time to time! I treated myself! Went to the gym more and really focused on my health and fitness. I did a kickboxing session. I went out with my best friend more and had so much fun! I had an old dear friend come back into my life who motivated me every day.

Even began learning how to cook (still learning, haha). I spent more time with my family and with God. Focusing more on my worship devotionals. My freelance photography and design business started taking off. Took some time to even travel to Vermont, the Dominican Republic, and Florida. Started strengthening friendships as well.

Venturing out allowed me to learn more about myself. I have never felt so free in my life. I finally learned what self-love actually looked like.  Also, don’t let me forget, all of this was possible because I had also worked on my mental health.  I didn’t allow myself to loathe in self-pity. I knew what I had to do to get up and move on and I just had to focus on that. To depend on God and me for love and joy is what saved me.

You see, I had thought the relationship ending was the end of the world, that I was never going to find someone better. But I did find someone better, and that person was me. I am the only one who can love me the way I want to be loved, and it will show onto others. Learning that helped me grow so much.

I appreciate the failures of this year because it helped me become successful in areas I never thought I had. I’m tucking 2017 in my utility belt and I’m looking forward to the new year and the new possibilities. I’m hoping you queens will do the same.

 

 

 

 

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5 comments

  1. First of all, I just want to thank you for sharing your experience and journey through self growth. It was a real inspiration that has helped me more than words can describe. The very first paragraph hit me like a truck, considering my own relationship had struggled in the beginning of 2017 only to finally end half a year later. I, too, shaped my future around my partner. Of course, our situations are completely different, but those few similarities were comforting to read.

    I’m so happy for you that in the end you were able to choose yourself. Change is difficult, and scary, but reading the summation of your growth in only a year’s time is frankly amazing. Thank you, again, for sharing your story. I hope that 2018 will be even better for you. As for me, I’m still working on the self-love thing.

    I didn’t leave a name for this comment because you know me and I didn’t wish for this to come across as some excuse for re-connection, but you have been posting self-love/worth quotes, images and stories on Facebook during a time I needed it most. Thank you, again, from the bottom of my heart. Never stop being you, T.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is the reason why I share and I’m so glad it inspired you. Thank you so much for your words, I really appreciate it you have no idea! The self love thing is really hard, been working on it for years but this was the thing (the break up) that really pushed me towards it because I was the only one who can save me, ya know? I know you will get there. Things happen and sometimes we just have to make the hard decision to get up and move on and not look back. Easier said than done I know but its possible. Im glad that my Facebook sharing has helped in some way. I figured who you were, only one person called me T 🙂 You are welcome, D.

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  2. Reading this as a married mother of two reminded me how rough life was before I got married and had my two babies, but it also made me self reflect on how self love expands beyond the years of trying to find your soul mate or even yourself! I want to thank you for sharing because your story reminded me that self love, worth and respect is so relevant in every chapter of life! Although I am very fortunate to have married my best friend and he’s exceptionally understanding of all the changes bearing children does to a woman and has been patient through every break down and moment of frustration with not meeting the exceedingly high expectations I have set for myself, you’re story has inspired me to do things that make me feel the love i have for myself! Wishing you a triumphant 2018!

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  3. I guess it’s pretty normal for us to wrap the idea that our futures are secured with our partners. On a more selfish scale, it’s our lives that are complete, in that sense. Then again, as you said, only you can love yourself so beautifully.

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