Entertainment lifestyle relationships

‘Insecure’ Reminds Me Why Dating is Terrible


Now it is too early to predict if the second season Insecure will be all that and a bag of chips, but judging from everyone’s reactions so far, this season is everything. We get to see Issa (the main character) tackle on the new phase of her life called “the post-break up”.

Now allow me to issue some warnings before you proceed to read this…

If you are not caught up, don’t read this. If you don’t care, then don’t read this. 


Issa finds herself in a phase, where all of us have been before. We are now in this moment of trying to rediscover ourselves and figure out who we were before this person walked in. Trying to go on dates that will end up pointless and put ourselves back in the dating world. Now, the dating world has advanced tremendously with apps and social media aiding its revolution.

She is lost in space, day dreaming about how her ex and about how the hell did she end up here.  She continually to peruses him and hopes that maybe some reconciliation and forgiveness would come around. This is something on a whole new relatable level. We all have been on dates where we sit there across from the guy/girl and think to ourselves, “damn, this is pathetic.” We are constantly comparing them to our ex and wishing we could just text them right now and make up.

Every woman who has messed up or just wanted to have some distance from their ex-partner can find that when you have someone good, you want them back. I call it being guilty of knowing you screwed up your life because you wanted more “options”. You take yourself out on these dates hoping to find someone new or a distraction from the pain. You end up on dates and engaging in conversation that clearly has no real connection, but you need to stop thinking so damn much.

Issa is trying her hardest to get over this guy, so much that she decides to endure the step two of post break up, “the hoe phase.” The hoe phase brings us so much pain and it suppresses that pain by just having random (protected) sex with partners and no real intention of furthering a real relationship. It is basically hooking up to deal with your pain. The hoe phase only happens when someone you truly cared for goes absent in your life. It’s your heart and mental way of trying to distract yourself from what’s happening in the now.


Issa even endures awkward and unsatisfying rebound sex with her neighbor. That scene had me thinking “damn, she is really hurting.”  It reflects a lot of what happens after we have sex with a new partner after being sexually active with one person for a predominant time in our lives. It gets awkward, unsatisfying, and kind of weird. There is no real winning in starting over in this game of dating and so far this season is portraying that. We all have had the random “let me just see where this goes” sex after a big break up. It affects you emotionally and physically if your partner has no clue how you like it. I honestly commend Issa for including this scene in this season. It set the realistic tone of dating.


But what really gets me is how relatable both sides of these characters are. Issa cheated because she felt trapped in a relationship that took a stop and no progress was being made. Lawrence (left the five-year relationship) moved onto to a rebound and choose to continue on his life. You identify with both because you might have experienced both scenarios. You are left to either choose team Lawrence or team Issa, these characters story lines are too real.

Insecure is one of those shows that will make you sit there and think “wow, this is watching a play by play of my life or a similar experience”. Watching it with your current significant other will allow you two to have a conversation about it after. You get to see the two leading characters play out their emotions and it might help you figure some things about your relationship. I know this show has helped me and my partner on discussing issues of if we were to ever break up, who would be who. In a joking manner of course. On a serious note, Insecure is just one of those shows where you need to stay connected with every week. It tackles the inside & modern look of life for women of color. Tackling all white career environments, dating, sex life, and friendships. Also, it reminds me why dating sucks.

Catch a new episode of Insecure every Sunday on HBO


For more articles to inspire your inner queen, subscribe now for daily update alerts.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s